Another horribly slow day at work. Sometimes it doesn't bother me, I can just read up on some websites. But today it's killing me. I feel like I could fall asleep. If I could afford to leave, I would. I need to get my grocery shopping done.

My son might be ok after all. I got a call Sunday night from his father. He had kicked his girlfriend out that day after all (or she left voluntarily, I'm not sure which). I haven't talked to my son since that afternoon, but I will be getting him this weekend. Hopefully my ex won't be stupid enough to take this woman back, ever. If he does, I'll be filing a report against her. The only reason I haven't followed through with that now is I'm afraid if it went to trial, that might be upsetting for my son as well. I'm going to pray that just having her out of his house will be good enough and that there was no real damage done to him (mentally, I mean).

With all this insanity going on, I somewhat fell off my fitness wagon. I climbed back on today though (although I'm hanging on just barely, lol) I did my 8 min. workout this morning, and ate toast for breakfast and a salad and yogurt for lunch.

But then I had some Reece's cups, hehe. Oh well...

My older son, Caymen, ran away from home today. The woman that lives with his father has been abusing him. I always suspected something, but now I know for sure. I should have acted on my suspicions earlier.

He went to my sister's house, which is not a short walk. It's cold and rainy today too, so things must have really come to a head for him to do this. He's the type that would sit on the couch all day and only get up for food if you'd let him.

I tried to report this woman for child abuse, but the Davidson County police told me that they couldn't make a formal report since I'm out of the county, I would have to go back to make the report. Well, shortly after that, I got a call from my sis that my ex had shown up there to get our son. I got him on the phone and let him have it up one side and down the other. Long story short, he said he was kicking her out, that he now believed Caymen when he said this woman was abusing him. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt, and let him kick her out. But I told him if he didn't do it soon, I would come up there and take care of this problem for him. Clarence's sister, Kiki, told me she'd keep an eye on things and let me know if this girl actually leaves, since Clarence still doesn't have a phone.

I almost hope she doesn't leave so I can put her ass in jail.

I found an old blog of mine from Jan. of last year. Wow. I sure wasn't very happy then. Just a few entries, here they are....

[ Fri Jan 24, 04:03:14 PM | Melanie Johnson | edit ]
I've been scanning some web sites, some women's sites like ivillage and oprah.com and I realize, I need to do more for me. And for my home. It might be a dumpy, drafty condo, but it's my condo.... it's our condo.... it should not just be a place to keep our clothes and a place to sleep. And I don't need a lot of money to do it. I just need to stop being so lazy. I didn't have to be told that if I keep the place nice, it would make me feel better, both physically and mentally. I know this. But I don't do it. Why is that? I mean, why be so lazy?

I say this all the time, but I've really got to start meaning it. I need to get things together, start acting my age and all that other jazz. Make some changes in my life. Starting now.
[ Fri Jan 24, 10:30:51 AM | Melanie Johnson | edit ]
We made it in to work today. Still very cold out there, and snow on the ground, but it's not quite as bad.

Tank is going to East Tenn. this weekend, and I'll have Caymen. Still no car, so I'll just be sitting around the house. Going to try and get motivated some to do some cleaning, but I know once I cut a path through the living room, that'll do it for me, lol. Even though I'll really try to do better. (I always say that.)

Found a group on Yahoo that shares recipes for making your own bath oils, candles, things like that. I've always liked doing stuff like that, just lately I've not been too creative. I'd like to give this a shot. Maybe even sell it, if I can make it good enough. Who knows.

I tried to get this to upload to my webpage, web server at least, but it didn't work. :( Guess I'll give it another shot later. Right now I might just link to it from my site.
[ Thu Jan 23, 06:36:24 AM | Melanie Johnson | edit ]
Another snow day. Not sure if we're going in to work. Since we don't have a car, it's going to depend on whether or not someone wants to come get us. I don't think it's as bad out there as it was last week, but it's COLD and I don't want to get Noah out in it. It's 7 degrees. =/

I just want to stay home and play Everquest, hehe.
[ Wed Jan 22, 04:00:00 PM | Melanie Johnson | edit ]
Well, here we go. I'm hoping that if I start writing some of my thoughts down, it will help me get a bit more organized. I used to do this before, and it really helps my peace of mind. Not to mention, I just need to get off my butt and get my life together.

I'm 36 years old, married with 2 children (one from a previous relationship) and my life is screwed. No money, crappy car that doesn't run ATM, no home phone, hubby and I share a cell phone, I'm lucky if I have clean laundry because god forbid I leave Everquest alone long enough to wash close, and so on and so on...

This started out happy, didn't it? /ugh

I'm just sleepy right now. I woke up around 4:30 and because my back was hurting, I couldn't go back to sleep. So I got up around 5:30. It's now 10 til 4 in the afternoon, this boring work day is almost over and then I can go home and maybe get some decent sleep tonight.

I'm bitching about my life now, and in some ways it's good because maybe it will motivate me to do something. But I think back to this time last year.... pregnant, not working (neither of us were working), not sure where we'd get food, wondering when and if they'd kick us out of our house, turn off the utilities.... it was a mess. So yes, we have slowly been pulling ourselves together. The problem with both of us is, we can both be childish and unmotivated. Not a good combination for both parties in a marriage. So I think I will make an effort to be the "grown-up" now and try to start getting us out of this mess.

First thing... get the car fixed.



I posted this so I can remember it. I'm going to delete that other blog, and I didn't want this to get lost. I want to remember how it used to be, so I can appreciate what I have now.

Hidee ho, friends and neighbors!

(man, I've been watching too many Home Improvement reruns...)

Things are rolling right along. I'm still watching what I'm eating, I've been doing these 8 minute workouts in the morning, and last night I did part of one of my Firm tapes. I feel really good right now, and I can tell a difference in my clothes already. No, I'm not ready do drop a size yet, but the pants I have now aren't nearly as tight. woohoo!!

Tonight I'm going to give yoga a try.

Now if we could just get our W2's and get our refund, all would be well in the world.

Day 3 of walking.

I can't get over just how out of shape I am. And this in itself is enough to keep me moving. Well, that and the fact that I'm tired of my clothes being too tight >.<

I still have this mental image of myself as a thin person because that's what I was for most of my life. It's only been the last couple of years that I have had zero activity in my life and such horrible eating habits. I'm almost ashamed of myself. But I know better than to wallow in self pity. I just have to get out there and change things. Which is what I'm doing, so hush. (minor arguement with myself there, lol)

It's beginning to look (a lot like Christmas...)

No, it's looking like we can see a tiny pinpoint of light at the end of our financial troubles tunnel. And that might help me all around. Some of the reason I've gained so much weight is because frozen burgers and mac & cheese is so much cheaper than healthy stuff. How sad is that? And no wonder so many people are overweight in this country. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to lay blame elsewhere, but it just seems as if the powers that be really wanted us to lose weight, they'd make it much easier, instead of turning it into the weight-loss industry that it's become.

/rant off.

The last couple of weeks it's been too cold or rainy for me to get out and walk. But this week it's supposed to be decent, highs in the mid 40's or low 50's and sunny. So I got out today.

Ouch.

I'm so out of shape. And I am really disappointed in myself for letting it get this bad. Oh well, trying not to beat myself up over it. Just keep plugging away at it. It won't be long before a short walk doesn't hurt anymore. Also trying to slowly adjust my eating habits. I know better than to make a drastic change overnight. I'll just end up going back to my old ways.

Vile, Vile Pedophile - Is child molesting a sickness or a crime? By Dahlia�Lithwick

Interesting read. My short take is this: if we decide this is a disease, I feel like less and less will be done to stop pedophiles. "Oh, he can't help it, it's a disease..." No, rip his nuts off. That will cure his "disease".